Category — Read Me

Maybe you shouldn’t click on this next link if your kiddies, or grandma is around.  Now I might just a prude but I thought this ad was little too explicit. I saw it is GQ which is not exactly Maxim or Playboy.  Maybe Tom Ford’s people could have pulled back a bit when setting this shot up.  How about a string bikini bottom?  It could have the same attention grabbing effect without being so … soft-core porn-ish?  This ad is a full page with full page of pic of an oiled-up, open shirted, Tom Ford being pawed at by women’s hands next to it.

But like I said … maybe it’s just me.

So I placed a question on Yahoo Answers for the first time. I am a little disappointed with the responses. For some reason I had it stuck in my head that anyone who responded would obviously do so because they had some type of insight or education that made them eligible to give advice. Apparently Joe Schmo is not really any help. Well, I have decided I must be qualified to answer questions and give advice too (I read a lot of advice columns). So I am officially open for advice (applause). I am here for you and have very little to do.

Just email it subject: Dear JuiceFairy.

This is an article from the October 2002 issue of Esquire magazine.  Yes, I tore this article out of the magazine and have kept it since then.  I always thought that the article was pretty funny so I am sharing it with you…
10 Things You Don’t Know About Women
By Stephanie Weir

1. Women lust after younger men the same way men lust after younger women. But we don’t marry them and let them take all our money.
2. Not all women love to shop.  Regardless, we all hate “Shop-a-holic” novelty gifts- T-shirts, memo pads, refrigerator magnets- depicting a crazy-eyed woman engulfed in shopping bags and holding smoking credit card.  (We do, however, get a kick out of refrigerator magnets that say things like “Hey fat ass, the love you crave ain’t in here!”)
3. Fast dancing with you is like watching a stray dog trot down the interstate.  We pray for a miracle but know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that a horrific tragedy is about to occur.  That is why we prefer fast dancing with our lady friends.  It has nothing to do this us having secret lesbian friends.
4. One of our greatest irrational fears is that one day, and thousands of dollars in lotions later, we’ll find out that Granny from “The Beverly Hillbillies” religiously used sunscreen all her life.
5. The “psycho ex-girlfriends” from generations past are today referred to as “Mom”.
6. Pro-choice women feel a tiny bit bad that you have no voice in the fate of your unborn child.  The same way you feel a tiny bit bad that we make only seventy cents for every dollar you earn.  Yeah, we plan to do nothing about it, either.
7. Women have only one Halloween costume.  It is a slut.  You may be thinking, Wait I’ve seen women dressed as sexy witches, sexy cats, sexy hoboes … But I assure you they were all dressed as sluts dressed as witches, cats, and hoboes.  For us, Halloween is solely an opportunity to wear the whorish clothes we chastise true-blue sluts for wearing year-round.
8. Women like to trash talk about the “dark alley” scenario.  We brag about how we would stab the attacker in the eye with our pointy finger, and how we would shove his nose into his brain with an upward palm thrust, and how we would bring him down with a fatal Tae Bo kick to the crotch, and how we would stand still while we did all that.
9. At their core, women believe the world is good.  It is this fundamental optimism that keeps us applying sunscreen, venturing onto the dance floor with you, braving dark alleys, and most important, that enables us to procreate and not to be tempted to eat our offspring like the notoriously pessimistic hamster (But, like the hamster, we do enjoy biting your head off every now and then.)
10. We aren’t lying or being coy: We really don’t have any stories about accidentally shitting our pants.  Sorry.  Maybe we could connect on some other level.

Yesterday I was going through the newspaper and saw pictures of Saddam Hussein lying on the ground with a broken neck.  I was surprised the local paper didn’t go for 100% shock value and splash this horrible picture right on the front page.  Flip the page and I read the notable deaths of 2006.  Right above that was the “War on Terror” in review.  So I thought I would spread some laughs. 

Check out these memorable photos from 2006 …

http://www.tmz.com/2006/12/31/the-most-memorable-photos-of-2006/